I’m cowering in the darkness with my eyes closed, my hands gripped into fists. I don’t grope them around or look for a hint of light, because I’m not searching for anything in particular. I like it in here and I enjoy my solitude. There could be another hundred people in the darkness right here with me, but as long as we’re in the dark, I don’t hear them, I don’t see them, I will still feel as lonely as ever. And it doesn’t scare me, because I have learnt to become one with nothingness.I have come to overpower my fears in this desolate environment, where noone is around to care or bother, noone wants to know. I know myself, and I am nothing.
My parents keep thinking I’ll get married only when I’m 30, at the current rate I socialise with and treat members of the opposite sex. Oddly enough, I seem to have put up a brilliant facade of utter Estella-ism in front of them, and better yet, I’m somewhat enjoying myself and I keep showing how proud I am of it. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them; I just happen to have a book-cover judgement on men in general. Their clothing and hygiene, and fashion especially… give me a huge impression about them. Rings on their fingers, especially huge black/silver ones make me gag, single loop earrings attract me, and polo shirts are okay.
Been in strange moods, some involving me downloading small hoards of classical music [i.e. Tchaikovsky, Dvorak, Chopin, Mozart]. Would it sound almost conservative of me to say that classical music makes me feel so calm and relaxed, even a little high?
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